Distractions
by Ianto'sCoffeeMinion
Summary: Within Torchwood one way to communicate is by The Comns system, but what about Instant Messenger? This is basically about Jack and Ianto's coversation between one another before Owen decides to join it! Enjoy! JANTO


**Janto IM's**

**Teaboy83** has entered the conversation.

**CaptainShag-A-Lot **has also entered the conversation.

**Teaboy83: **Hello?

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Yeah

**Teaboy83: **I seem to have misplaced the stopwatch, have you any idea where I may have left it?

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Nope.

**Teaboy83: **You sure?

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Yup

**Teaboy83: **Jack?

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Yes

**Teaboy83: **Are you ok?

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Why do you ask?

**Teaboy83: **Because you seem a little tense is all, and your one word replies haven't gone a miss

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Sorry

**Teaboy83: **Its ok, if you want to talk. I'm always here.

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **I know, thanks

**Teaboy83: **That's ok

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Erm, Ianto?

**Teaboy83: **Yes, Jack

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **I have something to tell you, but please don't freak out, ok?

**Teaboy83: **I can't promise that until I've heard what it is

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Well you know that smash yesterday…when we were…ahem- 'Moving the desk'

**Teaboy83: **I believe it was 'Staying behind to re-organise the safe and go over case files' but do carry on.

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **So you remember?

**Teaboy83: **Funnily enough I do…how could I forget?

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Mmmmmmmmmmmmm, true

**Teaboy83: **Anyway, moving on, you were saying?

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **You know I told you it was just a vase and that I'd clean it up?

**Teaboy83: **Yes, Jack, I do. Thanks for doing that you really didn't have to…anyway, can you skip to the point please, I've got re-editing of paperwork to do and the pile is only getting bigger.

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **It was your stopwatch.

**Teaboy83: **What?

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **The smash, it was your stopwatch…

**Teaboy83: **WHAT!

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **The smash, it was your stopwatch…

**Teaboy83: **Yeah, I got that part! How did it get smashed!

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Well, when the table moved the stop watch fell of the edge and the glass smashed.

**Teaboy83: **Why didn't you tell me before?

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Because then you would made us stop what we were doing, and I liked what we were doing too much to pull out then…if you get what I mean?

**Teaboy83: **I guess you're right.

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **I'm sorry

**Teaboy83: **It's ok, I can get a new glass on it, no problem

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **That's good. I was scared you were going to put up another sex-ban :/

**Teaboy83: **No. That's when you're naughty Jack, not when accidents happen.

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Mmm, Naughty. It's worth it though.

**Teaboy83: **Well, it shouldn't be. I think ill have to increase the length next time.

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Ahahahahahaah!

**Teaboy83: **Only you could make that a play-on phrase.

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Play-on! Ahahaha! Don't mind if I do

**Teaboy83: **Come on Jack, there's work to be done, you can 'play' after

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **You promise?

**Teaboy83: **I promise, now fill out those Incident Reports PROPERLY! I don't want to have to make you re-do them and waste more time that could be spent doing something more… enjoyable

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Don't do that! Now you've excited me, I won't be able to concentrate!

**Teaboy83: **Your problem, not mine. I want those forms done by the time Gwen leaves The Hub, try not to make mistakes this time Jack, funnily enough I do have other things to attend to as well as your incomplete paperwork

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **And there was me thinking I was the boss…

**Teaboy83: **Yeah, your IM name is very convincing. Plus you like it when I'm bossy. Now back to work.

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **I think your 'Good Cop, Bad Cop' routine needs a bit of work

**Teaboy83: **Is that so?

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Yeah, you're being a little too much 'Bad Cop' for my liking

**Teaboy83: **So which one am i?

**CaptainShag-A-Lot:** You're obviously Good Cop 'cos your too cute to be Bad Cop.

**Teaboy83: **You keep telling yourself that. You know I hate it when you call me 'Cute'. Cute is used to describe puppies and kittens, that sort of crap. Not me.

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **When did you turn all Wicked-Witch-Of-The-West on me?

**Teaboy83: **Since you haven't been filling out paperwork properly.

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **That was one time! I only wrote it 'cos you were distracting me fixing that shelf!

**Teaboy83: **Putting up a shelf is hardly distracting.

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **It is when you're putting it up, looking all messy and concentrating…it's a good look on you.

**Teaboy83: **I disagree.

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Ahww come on Ianto, you've got to admit you do look sexy with your sleeves rolled up and tools at hand.

**Teaboy83: **Sexy? Like that time that bloody cat landed on my face!

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Her name was Pusskar, and it was a 'sexy look though' ;)

**Teaboy83: **Well I certainly didn't think so, that hurt! And made me look like I had a run in with a weevil…well that's what I told the rest of them, I would have been humiliated if that got out. And don't you dare think of telling them either!

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **I didn't say a word!

**Teaboy83: **You were going to, I could tell.

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **How could you tell? We are two totally different rooms, you can't so much as see me…which should be a crime.

**Teaboy83: **I know everything, remember?

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **That's what you say…

**Teaboy83: **It happens to be true.

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **You know you worry me sometimes?

**Teaboy83: **And whys that then?

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **'Cos you know more than me

**Teaboy83: **Most people know more than you Jack, it's because you permanently have Sex on the brain 24/7

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Along with every other man on the planet and occasionally some women too ;)

**Teaboy83: **I think were not all sex-crazed people such as yourself Captain

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Meh

**Teaboy83: **Okaaaay.

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **I'm thinking of putting myself in danger more often

**Teaboy83: **A bit random, but whys that then?

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Because you turn into a fighting, kicking, stun-gun machine and it's very exciting ;)

**Teaboy83: **I try my best, and your using that 'Winkey Face' far too often.

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **What can I say? I like to wink, sew me!

**Teaboy83: **Another time maybe

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Can't wait to see that! I can just imagine it now, you with your-

**Teaboy83: **JACK!

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **What? You can't have known what I was gunna say that time!

**Teaboy83: **I have a vague idea…

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **You know too much

**Teaboy83: **You know too little

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Well not really 'cos I read your diary, and I gotta say…you think you know someone…

**Teaboy83: **What is that supposed to mean?

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **It means, I thought you of all people could convert inches to centimetres. I'm very disappointed.

**Teaboy83: **You shouldn't be because MY diary is for MY eyes only. And to reply to that statement, I do have a great knowledge on unit conversion and-

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Ianto?

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Ianto?Are you there?

**Teaboy83: **I'm here,Sorry about that

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **There's nothing to be sorry for. What's wrong?

**Teaboy83: **Sorry just those words…they reminded me of Lisa.

**CaptainShag-A-Lot:** Oh, I see what you mean

**Teaboy83: **Sorry

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Don't be, its fine, really.

**Teaboy83: **You were saying ?

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Well you were, but it doesn't matter, you sure you don't want to take 5?

**Teaboy83: **No Jack, I'm ok, really

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **I love you

**Teaboy83: **I love you too

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Thanks

**Teaboy83: **You don't need to thank me, the feelings mutual Sorry I kinda put a downer on the conversation now haven't i?

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **No, no I was just about to say, could you tell me next time you pick names from Sex and The City for my Fake ID's. You sent me into an alien smuggling operation with the name !...that's was awkward, I have no Idea how you kept a straight face.

**Teaboy83: **Ahahahahahaahahaha!

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **There's that smile!

**Teaboy83: **Are you watching me?

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **You're hard not to watch ;)

**Teaboy83: **And there's that Winkey face again, I swear those are the only two buttons you use on the keyboard!

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **You love it really, like you love me giving you a stern talking to waaaaaaay too much!

**Teaboy83: **I can't help it; I think it's your husky tone…

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **As well as other things, I might add

**Teaboy83: **On the subject of stern talking to's, I've been meaning to ask you, when were you going to tell me about going after the second glove?

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Erm…Never?

**Teaboy83: **Jack you risked everything for that, and you know how much I hate seeing you die

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **I know, I know

**Teaboy83: **So why didn't you tell me then?

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **You should know…

**Teaboy83: **Enlighten me.

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Well the last time I was going to do something of a similar nature, I told you and you cuffed me to a chair to stop me going! A bit extreme don't you think?

**Teaboy83: **Not really, if you think about it. You seemed to like it last time…

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Yeah well, I fallen for that trick far too often

**Teaboy83: **I think we should give it a name

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **You have a thing about naming things don't cha?

**Teaboy83: **Maybe…I like things to be organised is all

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Riiiiiight, so what do you want to call it?The Ianto effect? Or Strap-Jack-To-A-Chair-When-Hes-About-To-Do-Something-Stupid precaution?

**Teaboy83: **I was thinking along the lines of Strap-Jack, you know cos it rhymes and sound like flap jack, cos its sticky and your stuck.

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **You've thought into that way too much, but I like it, Strap-Jack it is

**Teaboy83: **Good

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **I think we should give my moves names too, don't want anyone complaining about favouritism…

**Teaboy83: **That was one time! And EVERYONE should have to fill out those forms in case of emergency, Martha is no exception.

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Yeah, yeah, we all know YOU are my only exception

**Teaboy83: **Ahw that's sweet, sad it isn't true though…

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **It is

**Teaboy83: **Then why do I still have to fill the form out?

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Because it's for your own safety, and I don't want you un-safe now do i?

**Teaboy83: **I suppose so, nice thought though

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Ianto?

**Teaboy83: **Yes

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **How do I operate the coffee machine? Gwen wants to know

**Teaboy83: **Nice try, DO NOT TOUCH MY COFFEE MACHINE OR ELSE!

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **I never said I was going to touch it, I said Gwen was going to.

**Teaboy83: **No, you made that bit up, you slipped up a bit when you said 'How do I' instead of 'How do you' or 'How does one'

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Your waaaaay too intelligent, its kinda sexy ;)

**Teaboy83: **Why thank you ;)

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Now you're using my Winkey face! No fair!

**Teaboy83: **1. Its not YOUR winkey face, plenty of other people in the world use the same buttons,And 2. I can use the face if I want, you know, what's mine is yours and all that

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **But were not married…Yet.

**Teaboy83: **It still applies in my books

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Well your books are wrong!

**Teaboy83: **Don't fight it, angry isn't a good look on you…just saying

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Says you who LOVES angry sex!

**Teaboy83: **Even if I do, that doesn't mean I like you angry, per say

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Defeat never felt so bad

**Teaboy83: **Ahww ill make it up to you I promise

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Ohhhh can't wait!

**Teaboy83: **Your way too excited, its kinda funny :D

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **No, you're just not excited enough!

**Teaboy83: I**t kinda runs off after a while when you have sex at least four times a day

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **'rubs off' indeed ;)

**Teaboy83: **Your shameless you are

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Says you who practically was sucking my face off in the cinema, in front of everyone…we got a lot of nasty comments from that, it hurt

**Teaboy83: **Ahww Jackey want Yanny to kiss it better?

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Don't patronise me! Although, I wouldn't say no, especially with your mouth ;)

**Teaboy83: **Well I think its your fault because you persuaded me to go, with endless attempts might I add

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **What can I say, you love the cinema, I didn't see why you wouldn't go with me?

**Teaboy83: **Two words, Wonder Hands. Dare I say any more?

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **I can't help it if you're so irresistible ;) 'sides you think the same about me, otherwise you wouldn't have suffocated me in the cinema

**Teaboy83: **Well, when you put it like that. I best not 'suffocate' you anymore.

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Noooooo please do! It was only an analogy!

**Teaboy83: **I'm surprise you know what that meant

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **No as surprised as you were when I brought out that old circus uniform and gave you a private show. You looked VERY surprised then, and did I see Lust in your eyes?

**Teaboy83: **Maybe…

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Ahww come on admit it! You LOVED it!

**Teaboy83: **Ok, I loved it, although I don't think it was your colour

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **WHAT!

**Teaboy83: **Ha! Got ya!

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **I was gunna say, if blue isn't my colour, then red isn't yours

**Teaboy83: **Red's my colour eh?

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Yup, hence the Red Cap uniform

**Teaboy83: **The same day you wrote that terrible poem for me, how did It go again?

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **It was not terrible! It was a masterpiece that poem! And you seemed to like it judging by the kiss you gave me after

**Teaboy83: **I thought it was sweet, so what?

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **I thought you hated that word?

**Teaboy83: **No, I said I hated the word 'Cute' never said I hated 'Sweet'.

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Do you want me to recite it for you, Ianto my love?

**Teaboy83: **Go on then

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **I swear I wrote it down on a piece of paper for you…what did you do with it? You cant have lost it. 'Ianto Jones does not loose things' I recall.

**Teaboy83: **I gave it to Janet, she likes paper

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **That hurt!

**Teaboy83: **I didn't want Gwen to find it, and knowing her she would and we'd never hear the end of it.

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **I suppose so, oh well,think it went something like…

There was a young man from Newport,

Believed everything he was taught,

Till he met Jack,

And got into the sack,

But by poor Gwen Cooper was caught.

**Teaboy83: **It has a nice ring to it, I like the young bit

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Like I said, based on true events, and written from the heart :)

**Teaboy83: **Didn't like getting caught though

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **In real life or in the poem?

**Teaboy83: **Real life

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **I swear you turned pink, I didn't mind though, just annoyed that Gwen got to see you naked. That's for my eyes only ;)

**Teaboy83: **Well John doesn't seem to think so

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Why? What's he said?

**Teaboy83: **He desecrated one of the Torchwood questionnaires, saying he wanted to, and I quote 'Take over the asylum, boys, girls, and Ianto Joneses' and that's apart from the Nick name

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Oh, well, if he hurts you I've told him ill slowly rip him limb from limb so you needn't worry

**Teaboy83: **Thanks for that

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Told you, ive always got your back, well…

**Teaboy83: **Aha, very funny. I top sometimes too you know.

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **And don't I know it ;) I also told him you looked good all messed up and dirty

**Teaboy83: **You did what!

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Sorry I couldn't help myself

**Teaboy83: **Showing me off will only aid your ego and his ploy to try and bag me

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: ** 'Bag me'?

**Teaboy83: **His words, not mine

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Well, tough, I won't let him take you without a fight

**Teaboy83: **That's very chivalrous of you Captain; please remind me to thank you for that

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Oh I will, don't you worry. What else did he say?

**Teaboy83: **You really don't read through paperwork do you?...hold on a second

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **No need to, and Ok

**Teaboy83: **He said 'Eye-Candy can open draws and file things too? Wow. No wonder you want him around' Obviously that comment was aimed at you

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **I guessed. That's not why I hired you. I hired you because you were intelligent, knew about Torchwood before, have great field abilities, and have great organisational and time-keeping skill, OH! Not to mention you look good in a suit…shall I continue?

**Teaboy83: **I'd say I look more than 'Good' in a suit, and please don't, by the way you're going you could write my C.V

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Alright you look AMAZING in a suit, Happy?. And I can't help it if you have so many good qualities…

**Teaboy83: **You are a charmer

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **I try ;)

**Teaboy83: **Ahahahahahahaahahahaha!

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **What!

**Teaboy83: **Your ex-partner seemed to write something about you as well :D

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **What did he write!

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Ianto!

**Teaboy83: **He called you a pretentious tosser! Aha! At least he got one thing right ;D

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Oi!

**Teaboy83: **Sorry, I love you really 3

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Ahw me too 3 –X-

**Teaboy83: **This conversations getting too soppy, lets get back to being real men and being angry about John.

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Your right! GRRRRRRRRR

**Teaboy83: **You do make me laugh sometimes

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **I aim to please ;)

**Teaboy83: **You sure do ;) Oh…

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: What?**

**Teaboy83: **He's put that what happened with you was 'beyond comprehension', and that you did things that 'you'd not understand or appreciate'.

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Ianto, honey, that was in the past…

**Teaboy83:** I know, I know, but I cant help but feel jealous…that evil of me isn't it? I shouldn't feel like this!

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **No, you're right to feel that way, everyone feels that way, don't stress about it :)

**Teaboy83: **Ok, sorry

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **You keep apologising but theres nothing to be sorry for. Come up to my office, I want to show you how much I love you :)

**Teaboy83: **I like the sound of that :)

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **You'll like the feel of it too ;) . Come up, what do you say?

**Teaboy83: **I'm intrigued; I'll be there in a second

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Ok see you in a second, make it quick, clothes are dropping…

**Teaboy83: **No! Don't do that! I want to take them off you…

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Ok, clothes are being put back on ;)

**Teaboy83: **Thanks

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: **Don't mention it and for the record, I like you taking my clothes off ;)

**Teaboy83: **Likewise ;) see you in 1

**CaptainShag-A-Lot: Bye! x**

**Teaboy83: Bye –X-**

**CaptainShag-A-Lot **and** Teaboy83 **have left the conversation.


End file.
